Blended Family Trip

I usually limit our blended family trips to 3 nights for the sake of my sanity. Anyone with kids understands that time away is not always relaxing and restful but time to be full-on with the additional cranky kids, packing and unpacking, and unpredictable travel occurrences.

This summer, I changed things up in honor of my commitment to my partner and his son. I decided to take them to my family's house in Maine. My siblings, my sister's husband and daughter, and my Dad would be there for the time we were planning. Last summer, mind you, we were in such a state of fragility that I did not invite my significant other. It was made clear during my own work with a step-mom coach that he did not want to be invited if his son was not invited, and I was too anxious and stressed at the idea of having my step-son there. I went with my son, without them, feeling guilty. I knew this was a temporary fix, that his was not how I wanted things to be, but I accepted the discomfort and told myself I was doing what was best for the whole family.

Since then, we have greatly improved our relationship, worked on our team

mentality, and gotten more on the same page about parenting. This was not without support! Both a Step-mom Coach, a couples counselor, and a personal growth program my partner did helped us accomplish this task. I cannot stress enough the importance of outside support.

So I invited them to come. My step-son was scared without knowing why, I had some anxiety as well, but I planned a few days beforehand to spend with just the 4 of us to make sure we all connected before "merging" with my family. I spoke with my family about my commitment to my step-son, stressed the importance of his acceptance and belonging in our family, and also requested an extra level of support for me because of my own challenges with him. Everyone got on board! This was also a major switch from the past, when they had struggled with my step-son, my stress around the situation, and the amped-up level of energy when my step-son was around vs. my son by himself.

By the middle of the first day there my step-son was telling me he wasn't afraid any longer, and could we please stay more days? By the end of the second day he was asking if he could stay with my sister and her husband.

Don't get me wrong, I had my frustrated moments but overall it was a huge success, and I feel brought us closer as a family. I'm so grateful for the work I've done because the thrill of his happiness, my ability to include everyone and still have fun and enjoy myself, felt amazing. The thing about this challenging path of blended family life is that the extreme challenges also come with the extreme moments of joy, such as seeing the huge smile on my step-son's face as he tubed with my sister in the water. In my mind, the pay off for all the hardwork and investment energetically, financially, emotionally, and mentally is worth it 100x over!