Steps and Stones.... I've found that sometimes I move along a path and I make it to the next step. Other times, even though it feels like I'm walking and moving along a path, I seem to hit stones. It's confusing...am I on the right path? I thought I was supposed to be making progress? Where's my next step? I can't get a good foothold, can't get my feet solid, keeping moving forward unsteady on the stones and then finally I hit...a step! Solid ground! Progress! Moving up! And then before I know it, I'm back on the unsolid stones. While this metaphor might work for life in general, I find it particularly relevant to parenting, and step-parenting. There's always a next step to get to, even though it's not always clear, and just when I think I've got it something throws me for a loop that I wasn't expecting and I'm back on the stones.
I've been focusing on a couple things lately. One has been allowing myself the space and graciousness of feeling however I feel. Lately, that has been a little bit of a "blah" feeling. I try my tricks to shake myself out of it and it sneaks in without me realizing. I think it's gone and then ..whoops! I "snarl" at a family member over something trivial. So, okay, I let it be. Once I stop resisting it I stop "snarling". I just slow down. I don't make myself be hyper and energetic and fun "for the kids" like I want to be. I just take it easy and trust that my attentive presence - as much as I can give - is enough. I watch my minds tendency to want to judge me for it, make me wrong about it. And practice letting that go and remind myself that my attentive presence is enough. For now, and my energy will return, and the world, and my household, will keep spinning and the important things will be taken care of.
Which leads me to my second focus: trust and surrender. My West Baltimore clients who have struggled with addiction, been in and out of institutions, witnessed and experienced unthinkably horrible aspects of humanity, each of whom I consider to be a walking miracle, have taught me more than anything to trust and surrender. I see those habits take shape in their beings and I watch their incredible transformations take place. And I can't help but be moved and inspired by the power in their faith and their ability to constantly surrender, everyday when they wake up, they tell me, each night when they go to bed. I am full of gratitude to have the honor of witnessing their healing and progress, and seeing where power is. It is not in our hands, my good reader, it is not ours to have and hold, it is only up to us to surrender, accept, and open ourselves to the power to move through us, with us, to use us for the highest good possible.
I had a client say today, I just need to hold my position and let God do the rest. He was saying if he does his part, God will work wonders for him. Through God all things are possible. I truly believe in this, and when it comes to family and blended family life, it feels more applicable and important than ever. When it comes to knowing we'll have enough... enough love, enough patience, enough money, enough knowledge, enough drive, enough everything... to create abundant, thriving children, relationships, and life experiences.
In conclusion, this delicate balance of allowing space for all feelings negative and positive, trusting and surrendering to a higher power while holding steady an optimistic position, for me, these seem to be key elements to building my inner fortress as I go through life's ups and downs. Blessings to you, my dear reader, for strength and surrender with your own life's challenges!
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